When Your Family Treats You Like an Outcast

FlourishAnyway is an Industrial/Organizational psychologist committed to uplifting and educating others to be attain their full potential.

Uh-oh, this guy's not ewe, is information technology?

Erik Mclean via Pexels, Complimentary Domain, modified by FlourishAnyway

Black Sheep: Unlike From the Rest of the Flock

Woe is the lowly black sheep of the family. He is maligned, misunderstood, and marginalized.

He may also be more creative, sensitive, or risk-seeking than the rest of the family. His lifestyle and values may prepare him apart, and he may face personal struggles that others do not. Simply try as he may, he merely doesn't blend in.

A convenient focus of family gossip, the blackness sheep often sparks contend amid the rest of the flock:

• Shall we include him in family gatherings?
• Will he finally mend his ways?
• How tin can nosotros manage him?

At that place is no fitting in here, fella. The black sheep of the flock is the well identified outcast.

Jesus Solana via Flickr, CC-BY-SA-two.0

Reader Poll:

The Origin of the Term

The negative sense of the term "black sheep" refers to the culling of lambs with darker, undesirable coat colors: gray, brown, and particularly blackness.¹ Non-white wool has traditionally been viewed every bit less commercially valuable because it cannot be dyed.

In sheep, white fleece is the expression of a dominant cistron, rather than albinism.ⁱⁱ Thus, in most breeds, black lambs are rare; they require that both parents conduct the recessive gene. Dark wool is and then undesirable that scientists are working to develop a genetic exam to place carriers of the gene for black coats.

Oh, the Yarns Nosotros Spin Almost the Black Sheep!

Traditionally, blackness wool has been considered less commercially valuable considering information technology cannot exist dyed. Lambs with nighttime coats were therefore culled from the flock.

Roy & Danielle via Wikimedia Eatables, CC-Past-SA two.0

You Might Exist a Black Sheep If...

Tin you say "aye" to several of the following?

Practise you lot have a history of ...

• criminal deport & run-ins with law enforcement
• substance abuse
• financial problems
• gambling or other addictions
• mental illness
• unstable relationships
• ongoing conflicts with multiple relatives
• long periods of unemployment

Exercise you lot differ significantly from the residuum of your family in ...

• values or lifestyle
• professional/educational attainment
• religious, philosophical and personal values
• political affiliation

Recall: They're not bad past nature, they're just unlike.

Read More From Wehavekids

Not B-a-a-a-a-d, Simply Dissimilar

These are the rebels, outcasts, and square pegs in a round-holed world.

Skrewtape via Wikimedia Commons, CC-BY-SA 2.0

Every Family Has One

In many cultures, the term "black sheep" has come to hateful the outcast, the disreputable or undesirable member of the group, particularly a family. Within human groups, the so-called blackness sheep often acquires his or her low condition from ane or two leaders who determine the unspoken values and rules for a family unit or grouping.³ Resigned to their status as the odd one out, many wear the characterization proudly and distance themselves from the grouping that devalues them.

The "Black Sheep Effect" refers to the psychological phenomenon in which members of a grouping gauge fellow group members more critically than they practise those who fall outside the group. Thus, a disliked grouping member is judged more harshly.⁴ For example, you'd be more tolerant of your flower child Aunt Suzie if she weren't related to you. We desire group members to fit in because their behavior reflects upon our own identity, and family unit members who don't conform concenter negative attention.

When wayward members don't comply with unspoken rules, there tin can be hell to pay: scorn, ridicule, and alienation are often attempts to bring the noncompliant member back in line with the grouping's ascendant values.

Famous Examples

Rare is the family that does non have one. From pop stars to presidents to telly preachers, even the so-chosen best must argue with a wayward lamb in the mix. Here are few examples to remind us that no family is perfect, no affair how famous or rich:

Blackness sheep Alice Roosevelt Longworth was cute and impossible to command.

Lensman non credited via Wikimedia Commons, Public Domain

Alice Roosevelt - Alice was the eccentric oldest child of U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt. She smoked, partied until late at night, and kept a pet serpent. (Go, Alice!) In one case married, she had numerous affairs and a honey kid with a senator. Her exasperated father one time remarked, "I tin can be president of the United states, or I tin can command Alice. I cannot possibly do both."^five

Al Gore III - The son of U.S. Vice President Al Gore underwent drug treatment in 2007 after he was pulled over in his Toyota Prius going 100 mph. The swain pled guilty to possession of marijuana and a diverseness of medications for which he did not have a prescription: Xanax, Valium, Vicodin, and Adderall.^{half dozen}

Blackness sheep Baton Carter and his presidential brother, Jimmy, in February, 1979.

Wikimedia Commons, Public Domain

Billy Carter - The younger brother of U.S. President Jimmy Carter was known equally a "country philosopher" who loved the spotlight.⁷ His outlandish public behavior embarrassed the White Business firm. Billy once urinated on an airport rail in full view of the press corps and dignitaries. He also attempted to take advantage of his name by endorsing a beer called "Billy Beer" and actualization on late night talk shows. The President publicly distanced himself from his brother after Baton made anti-semitic comments and accepted an ethically questionable $220,000 "loan" from Great socialist people's libyan arab jamahiriya to facilitate oil sales.

Alison Carey - Alison, the older sister of pop diva Mariah Carey, is a recovering drug aficionado and former prostitute who contracted HIV in the mix.⁸ She in one case threatened to write a tell-all book about her famous sister and remains estranged from the superstar.

Vince Capone - How can you lot embarrass a crime family unit? Patently, past playing it super direct. The oldest brother of mafia godfather Al Capone tried hard to disown his Italian offense family identity.^nine Vince moved to Nebraska, inverse his name, and lost the Brooklyn accent. During the era of prohibition that made Al Capone notorious and wealthy, Vince served as a successful federal prohibition agent, working to shut down illegal distilleries. His service on the right side of the law humiliated his mobster brother.

Noelle Bush - The niece of U.S. President George W. Bush (and daughter of sometime governor Jeb Bush) was jailed for prescription fraud later she attempted to illegally larn Xanax. Noelle was ordered by the courtroom to undergo drug rehabilitation, but she violated the terms of the court order when crack cocaine was found in her shoe during drug treatment.

Randy Potts - The grandson of evangelical preacher Oral Roberts is openly gay and seeks to reverse office of the family legacy of intolerance.^x When Randy came out as gay, his parents changed the locks. He was also denied admittance to his grandmother's graveside funeral service. Oral Roberts' eldest son, Ronnie, was also gay but died by suicide in 1982.

Are Ewe the Blackness Sheep of Your Flock?

Families tin easily place their outcasts. Dude, is that you?

Böhringer via Wikimedia Commons, CC-Past-SA-2.5

How to Cope If You Are the Black Sheep

Suffering the scorn and breach can certainly take its toll, if yous let it. If yous struggle with fitting in, here are some tips on flourishing, regardless of the hue of your wool glaze.¹¹

Don't Justify Yourself or Your Choices

A responsible adult does not need to answer to family unit members for his or her values, lifestyle, political views, or option of life partners. If you are pain yourself and others with addictions or abuse, listen to reasonable concerns of your family. Ultimately, however, y'all must own your behavior and choices.

Realize Their Intent

When family members overstep their bounds and offering unwanted communication or assistance, consider that their intent may simply exist to help you. They may be misguided in their efforts, just their hearts may be in the right place. Respectfully decline their advice and move on.

Tolerate Other Family Members' Choices

Tolerance goes both ways. Don't seek to change the minds or habits of your family unit members. Yous're highly unlikely to alter others' securely held beliefs, anyhow. Allow other responsible adults to make their ain choices, even if those choices are dissimilar from yours.

Need Respect

Family members practise not have a right to treat you rudely. Even though you are outnumbered, stand up to sarcastic comments, mean jokes at your expense, and eye rolls cast in your management. Address such behavior in a timely and level-headed mode. Let the offender know their actions are inappropriate and disrespectful. Exist consequent, specific, and to the point. So move on.

Seek Support

It can be exhausting to take to constantly be on baby-sit among family, continuing up for yourself, and trying to fit in. Seek out others who gloat and have you the mode you are. Rely on them for support.

Enjoy the Wool Coat Yous're In

Accept your flaws every bit role of life's journeying, and appreciate the characteristics that make you unique. Learn to accept and value yourself. Don't permit family members' criticism create in you an inner vox of ridicule and self-dubiousness.

Ewe Are Extraordinary

There's no i else quite like ewe! Comprehend your uniqueness.

John Haslam via Flickr, CC-By-SA 2.0

Relevant Quotes

♥ "After all, the wool of a black sheep is just as warm." - Ernest Lehman, American screenwriter

♥ "The great gift of family life is to be intimately acquainted with people you lot might never fifty-fifty introduce yourself to, had life not done it for you." - Kendall Hailey, American author

♥ "Like all the best families, we accept our share of eccentricities, of impetuous and wayward youngsters and of family disagreements." - Queen Elizabeth II, British monarch

♥ "We are all searching for some class of family or foundation— for a place we can feel safe and secure." - Jena Malone, American actress

♥ "Absence is one of the most useful ingredients of family life, and to dose it rightly is an art like any other." - Freya Stark, British explorer

Uncle Amos, the Black Sheep of My Family

With 11 aunts and uncles and more cousins than I tin count, my extended family offers up a number of strong candidates for blackness sheep of the family. However, they all pale in comparison to our dear one-time Uncle Amos.

You lot may imagine that being named Amos—meaning "burdened, burdened one"— fix him up for a life of trouble and turmoil. Ever the optimist, my uncle would tell you that he has far surpassed all early forecasts.

Every family has an Uncle Amos. Although there are several strong candidates, he is my family's blackness sheep. I encounter him through rose-colored glasses. That's what families are for.

(C) FlourishAnyway

Presidential Bids, Mission Trips, and a Secret Chili Recipe

Depending on how he'southward feeling, Amos may recruit you to join him in his latest bid for the White House. You could even end up in his chiffonier, like me.

Amos might regale you with memories of his friendship with writer Pearl S. Buck. Although the memory can be a tricky thing, my uncle recalls clearly that he and Pearl organized Christian mission trips to spread God's good news to the people of Afghanistan.

Amos may also describe the autobiography he's been writing for the last 20 years. It details his escapades as Ronald Reagan's personal attorney. He introduced himself to everyone at a family unit wedding ceremony every bit Reagan's attorney and left quite an impression with the new in-laws.

Alternatively, he may awe yous with his account of the cloak-and-dagger chili recipe that he gave away to a lucky entrepreneur. It is now worth millions, or so he says. In a thing of minutes, Amos could expletive the electric current regime, tell a string of dead baby jokes, weep inconsolably, and uplift you in prayer.

Pulling the Wool Over Your Eyes?

You may think Amos is trying to pull the wool over your eyes. Merely that'southward the thing well-nigh blackness sheep: they are ofttimes maligned and misunderstood.

Aye, we idea you were a footling different.

Kapa65 via Pixbay, Public Domain

A Midnight Run Through the Briar Patch

At times, the weight of a wool coat you're born with can abound mighty heavy.

During one infamous dust-up with the law, Amos feared that the Republicans were after him and meant him great bodily harm. He fled abode to safety. Not believing him, his immediate family left him solitary while they went out to dinner. (White sheep will exercise that, later on all.)

Amos sensed the Republicans gaining footing on him. He sped away, running over a neighbor'due south mailbox in the process. Later, after nighttime, his car stalled out in a farmer'due south rain-soaked soy bean field.

Police discovered Amos' abandoned vehicle in the farmer's field, forth with his shoes, jail cell phone, and every stitch of clothes he had been wearing. The constabulary dogs afterwards tracked him downwardly near a swamp. Naked, Amos had been rolling in a briar patch so that he could hide from searchers' flashlights and avert any bullets that the Republicans might still ship his mode. Equally a consequence of his midnight romp through the briar patch, Amos spent some extra time in the shed to recuperate.

It's a White Sheep World: Trying to Fit In Is Exhausting

Aww, no one shows this blackness sheep any dear.

Dirk Ingo Franke via Wikimedia Commons, CC-By-SA iii.0

The Expressionless Cat and the Bank Teller

Amos realizes he wears a wool coat of a different color, and he chooses to have fun with information technology when the mood strikes him.

An animal lover, he owned an elderly cat that he adored. With his true cat tucked safely in the back seat of his car, Amos pulled through the drive-thru lane of his local bank on ane hot July 24-hour interval. The bank teller peered through the window and smiled.

Amos had wrapped the kitty in baby blankets and nestled her in the back seat in a a handheld baby carrier that his wife had purchased at a garage sale. The bank teller cooed, "Aww, await at your kitty. She'due south so pretty, just laying there. I could never get mine to lay still like that. How practise you practice it?"

Amos grinned, "She'southward been dead for 2 days. Nosotros don't have the heart to coffin her just yet, just we'll go around to it before long!"

Amos always knows how to leave an impression.

Ten Anxiety Alpine and Growing

It is truthful that Amos can be unpredictable and difficult to control. He may be minimally compliant with medical or any other advice. His retentivity is non entirely reliable. He is more than eccentric.

However, he has come to embrace his outcast condition. His favorite expression when he is feeling peachy is that he is "ten feet alpine and growing." Granted, he may share that with his larger-than-life stories.

Reader Poll

The Surprising Truth Almost Uncle Amos (or the Best We Can Figure)

Many of his accounts evolve over fourth dimension, but the family unit has come to know which ones are legend and which ones are just stories.

For example:

• We know that he did conspire to "steal" my grandfather from a retirement facility that was making Grandpa miserable. Pretending to visit, he and my aunt wheeled Granddaddy right out to the parking lot, and together they took off out-of-state.
• Amos did run for state political function. The family idea it was mere bluster until nosotros saw Amos' name on local television election returns with two% of the vote. Jaws dropped, including mine.
• When Amos was hospitalized for cancer, he then desperately wanted a practiced loving cup of coffee that he walked across the street to the Hardee'due south restaurant in his hospital gown and slippers. Constabulary came and helped him back to his room. You have to admire someone who goes after what they desire.
• A self-ordained preacher, Amos ministers to prisoners and others who are downward on their luck. Although I cannot vouch that Prince Charles personally funds his ministry, as Amos claims, Amos does have a tremendous verbal gift in front of audiences both large and small-scale. Persuasive and dramatic, he loves an audience. He would be even more disarming if he had more teeth, but you cannot accept everything.

Even the family blackness sheep deserves love.

William Wallace Denslow via Wikimedia Commons, Public Domain

The Value of the Lamb Underneath

Whatever the hue of a family unit member'southward wool coat, it is important to welcome them every bit a part of the flock, regardless of their tendency to stray.

More important is the need to value the lamb underneath. When coats are shorn, nosotros are subsequently all more like than different—linked past the bonds of kinship. Like it or not.

Black Sheep Family

Sometimes there are entire families of black sheep. Whoa! Just imagine!

Cathy, Sam, Max and Mai via Flickr, CC-BY-SA 2.0

Notes

¹Adams, Kelley. "Eco Friendly Fibers." Slowyarn.com. Accessed July 23, 2013.

²Wikipedia. "Black sheep." Final modified May 13, 2013.

³Kaufman, Margo. "In that location's a Black Sheep In Every Family Fold." New York Times. Last modified November 23, 1988.

⁴Sage Knowledge. "Black Sheep Upshot." Accessed July 23, 2013.

⁵Barham, Marcus. "Black Sheep -- Famous for Embarrassing Their Famous Families." ABC News. Last modified July half-dozen, 2007.

⁶Flaccus, Gillian. "Gore's Son Pleads Guilty in Drug Example." Washington Mail service. Last modified July 30, 2007.

⁷Weird Worm. "Blacksheep: The Mortifying Siblings Of 7 Famous People." Accessed July 23, 2013.

^viiiThe Independent. "Black sheep! Even the best families have one." Last modified July 26, 2009.

⁹Kerby, Rob. "10 of History'south Most Famous Black Sheep." Inspiration, Spirituality, Religion – Beliefnet.com. Accessed July 23, 2013.

^xMiles, Jonathan. "The Astonishing Story of the Televangelist and his Gay Grandson." Details. Last modified February, 2012.

¹¹Thea. "How to Survive Being the Black Sheep of the Family." Write Change Abound. Accessed July 23, 2013.

Questions & Answers

Question: Why do people choose pets over family?

Respond: Sometimes family members aren't very kind or loving whereas pets provide a sense of unconditional love. It doesn't have to exist an us vs. them contest, however.

Question: Equally the black sheep of the family, what should I do right at present to alieve my situation?

Answer: Nearly people do have some idea why they are their family unit's black sheep. If the core reason for your marginalization is some moral or ethical transgression that you need to make amends for -- such every bit my brother-in-law's theft of several thousand dollars from his dying male parent -- and so decide if and when to brainstorm the long journey of repairing trust. You might kickoff with a mea culpa (a heartfelt admission of wrongdoing) coupled with a asking for forgiveness. Trust is difficult to restore, but not incommunicable.

Decide if a relationship with your family unit is worth the work if you're in this category. The globe can be a hateful place, and we all need people who love us, even those we accept injure securely. I hope your family unit is capable of that love and forgiveness, if this is you lot.

If the alienating factor is instead an issue of lifestyle, gender and sexuality issues, political, religious, and values differences, or struggles with mental health, addiction, or finances, then your choice is different. Decide whether y'all will

ane) brainwash your family further

2) ask for targeted help from some of the most understanding family members in gaining the acceptance of other members, or

iii) you'll instead but agree to disagree.

Any the example, calmly telephone call out disrespectful behavior like namecalling and off-colour jokes at your expense. Families need to respect one another, even if they don't like one another's views, or they disagree vociferously on lifestyle, choices, or identity.

While you're going through this process, it'due south crucial that yous rely on a positive reference grouping that can back up you lot emotionally and socially as you are. If you are deeply troubled by the way your family unit has shifted you into the black sheep part, and so practice not hesitate to seek counseling.

I leave yous with my favorite self-empowerment quote nearly knowing who you are: "No one tin make you experience junior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt

Question: Why are some children hated by family members?

Answer: "Hated" is a very strong word, and I'd question that family members actually detest your kid. Withal, family members may have a stiff distaste for him or her, most probable because of a steady pattern of "unadorable" behavior. Just because you're related to someone doesn't hateful you have to automatically like them or corroborate of their beliefs. Some people are merely much harder to like than others, regardless of age. I'm sure yous take relatives you enjoy more than others.

In considering a kid's beliefs blueprint, one does need to await at the consistency and quality of parenting. I know that's probable not what yous want to hear, but kids learn guidelines of acceptable and unacceptable beliefs foremost from parents. No parent is perfect, simply if rude, aggressive, self-centered, or other problematic beliefs is frequently permitted and rewarded at dwelling house, the kid is going to repeat those behaviors in other settings where reactions won't be so forgiving -- at schoolhouse, among extended family members, in friendship groups, at church building and daycare, etc. The situation may be fabricated even worse when parents discover how family members reply to their child; they may go overprotective, hypersensitive, or defensive of the child. (Call back that family members oftentimes say what others won't.)

Behavior isn't the merely reason family members may dislike a child. Siblings may resent a child who is an obvious favorite, or extended family members may dislike the child for a reason beyond the child'south command -- for example, the child reminds them of a disliked relative. However, first take a good honest look at the child's behavior. If the source of the issue is indeed behavior-related, and so you tin can practise something about that. You demand to recognize and ain it starting time.

© 2013 FlourishAnyway

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on September 27, 2019:

Michael - Your pain is palpable. Thank you for sharing your feelings. I hope your family situation improves.

Michael on September 27, 2019:

The hardest part of being pushed abroad is that nothing the have washed or if they were the worse black sheep their ever was,I Never Would Do To Them What They Dod To Me,plow thier back on me and base it all on assumptions! To me you just don't do to family no matter what they've washed it's me and not them and it kills me with hurting they would!

FlourishAnyway (author) from Us on July 26, 2019:

Sarah - I'm and so happy this made you see that it'southward their issue. Take yourself and demand dignity. They don't have to similar yous but they should care for you with respect. I'd personally make sure to stay in a hotel away from the family unit so yous tin can get some distance every bit opposed to staying with the parents or your one of your husband's siblings. Skilful luck in dealing with them.

Sarah on July 25, 2019:

I thoroughly enjoyed your ariticle. I'm not sure how long ago you wrote this, just I was happy to find this today. I just realized this minute that my married man is the black sheep in his family of origin, and this explains So MUCH. I've been frustrated for the past xx years by how they always give us unsolicited advice on absolutely everything, from my hair color to my weight, to my career choice, to how we educate our kids and the list goes on and on. I've literally never enjoyed their company. Simply now I understand. My husband left his home state and married a woman (me) from his new homeland. I do non fit in at all with his dwelling house culture. I'thou likewise alpine, too independent, too blunt also straightforward, to everything. And they remind me of all of these things every time we run into them. If information technology'south a family wedding we're going to his mom will tell me 'exactly' what to wear, downwards to what colour they are wearing that season and what fashion of shoe. I've been offended for so long that I just hate having to spend time with them. We're going to visit tomorrow for x days because of course, they couldn't possibly be content with a long weekend. In order to mentally prepare I've been scouring the internet for advice on how to deal with difficult, hypercritical, controlling inlaws. After reading your article, I'yard somewhat amused to discover that the problem has been me all of these years. Not because I'm rude, or a wiggle or lacking in social graces, but because I'yard non anything like them. How interesting. And of grade my husband as well, but it'south a lot easier for them to arraign me.

Instead of merely letting us go, my mother in law is in the intense pursuit of somehow normalizing us and getting us to accept and fit in with their insular civilisation. I almost feel sorry for her! I owe you a huge debt of gratitude for finally existence able to explicate this situation to me in terms I can readily sympathise.

FlourishAnyway (author) from U.s.a. on November 17, 2018:

Mary Collins,

I'one thousand sorry your large family has chosen to marginalize y'all and your husband, and your church family has made the same selection. My feel is that church "families" may be in that location for sudden events like a death in the family unit, birth or adoption of a child, or urgent hospitalization (equally long as it's not too many), just for extended situations similar two older, solitary people living alone, they focus their attentional resource on people with needs that "seem" more pressing to them.

My grandmother, for instance, has experienced this immediate and and then has my mentally sick aunt who needed church inclusion after a hospitalization just was ostracized instead. Both admittedly are challenging people in that they are oftentimes ill, not ever in great moods (I'm being kind), and chat revolves effectually their ailments.

I wonder if they are simply too high maintenance for the church volunteers and preachers to invest fourth dimension in. What makes me say that is when my grandmother called to tell the preacher she was in the hospital (hoping for a visit), instead of responding appropriately, he sighed, exasperated, and said, "Again?!?" Imagine -- a preacher! Compassion fatigue is definitely a possibility. We each have to be both givers and takers, and both of these relatives of mine come up way brusk on the giving side.

My grandmother and aunt are more towards the extreme, simply yous may want to ask yourself

i) When people come up over, do I complain about my life (such as my medical ailments) or do we talk nigh a variety of topics, including me asking them questions about their lives?

2) Do I take phone calls, lookout television, or appoint in other distractions in the centre of their visit?

3) Do I brand them feel guilty about not visiting more than often ("Where have you been?", "Why haven't you visited?").

iv) Do I brand it awkward and uncomfortable for them to go out? If guests repeatedly let you know they've "got to get going," they've "really got to get going at present", etc. then it's a yes.

5) Practice I requite them a "to do" list? (spread the favor asking around or hire someone)

With whatsoever wanted visitor but with family unit visitors in particular, brand sure you tell those them how much you appreciate them. Have an open up conversation with your 1 or two kids who visit about why the residue of the family doesn't come by more often. Really listen to the answers in example yous're doing something. Sometimes, however, reasons take zip to do with y'all.

If you desire to be included, make information technology clearly known how you feel about existence left out, and inquire your children to be included in special events. Proper name examples (e.g., weddings, BBQs, graduations, birthday bashes, baby showers, etc.). Make it explicit that YOU'D rather be the ane to decide if you're well enough or able enough to brand it to the outcome rather than have the upshot organizer assume yous don't want to come up. My grandmother attends all of our events well into her belatedly 80s, even though someone has to transport her. The activities exhaust her, although the social interaction and change of scenery generally make her more pleasant, at least for the day.

I'd also recommend not waiting for other people to invite you lot out. You lot're grown adults. If you are able, y'all and your husband should go along outings to the local park or museum and aggrandize your social circumvolve to include other seniors. Go to a matinee movie. Volunteer somewhere. Look to run across what'southward available in your community.

Yous tin also (carefully) cheque out online communities based on an involvement or hobby y'all accept. Sometimes knowing that there's another person with the aforementioned hobby or interest on the other cease of the Cyberspace -- even if you don't see them contiguous -- tin be a life changer.

Good luck to you lot, Mary. You lot accept the ability to make a change. You have inspired me to visit my parents today. They alive only a mile away, and I moved from several states abroad only to be near them. Even I don't see them equally much as I'd similar although we phone call and text all the time. A big hug to you, FlourishAnyway

Mary Collins on November 16, 2018:

My husband and I are in our 70's and have 6 children and 20 something grandchildren . The problem is only ane or two of the children bank check on us , hardly ever any of the grandchildren do . We are non invited for special events or become to gathers , so nosotros stay in our home and take our selves out , and it is not any better with the church family either , and then nosotros hardly go to church even though we are religious . So explain this one please , for we are a pair of black sheep that has done zippo wrong except raise children that are self centered .

FlourishAnyway (writer) from USA on Baronial 21, 2018:

Margaret - I'chiliad going to get search for it right now.

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on August 21, 2018:

Natalie - Black Sheep unite! If Uncle Amos were still alive and well, I know he'd appoint yous to his Presidential cabinet. We all had a role that fit his exaggerated view of our talents. (Made you feel cracking to be considered so qualified.) If I e'er get a sample of his ashes, I take joked with my family unit that some of his dust might just terminate up spread on the White House grounds somehow. I may end up getting arrested, but it would be a helluva story.

Natalie Frank from Chicago, IL on August 21, 2018:

It's official, I am so the blackness sheep! Thanks for writing such an interesting commodity. The antics of your Uncle Amos prove that black sheep are colorful despite the dark hue of their wool and, at least I similar to call back, have some of the most extraordinary characteristics in the family. This was a joy to read.

Margaret Minnicks from Richmond, VA on August 21, 2018:

FlourishAnyway, Years ago I also wrote an commodity about the black sheep of the family. I must say, you went into much greater detail than I did. My article is puny compared to yours. I enjoyed reading it.

FlourishAnyway (author) from United states on August 21, 2018:

Tim,

My uncle passed away within the by yr, merely his shenanigans take left usa with so many memories and stories. At my cousin'south wedding, he introduced himself to the helpmate'south female parent and a number of other lucky folks as having been Reagan's personal lawyer. He nearly interrupted the groom's speech wanting to practise a toast of his own, only I stopped him. Maybe I shouldn't have; information technology certainly would've been unforgettable. We do know that the FBI and State Police had his proper noun and investigated him a couple of times, only he was harmless, simply unusual.

Thanks for commenting. You brought back practiced memories of my favorite blackness sheep. White sheep are deadening.

FlourishAnyway

Tim Truzy from UsaA. on Baronial 21, 2018:

Hi, Louise,

I meant to mention the two distance senses (vision and hearing), please, forgive me for my oops moment. My wife laughed at my post. Loss of mobility is certainly another impacting disability. I've seen this happen, unfortunately.

You are so wise because my professor used to point out: "If you alive long plenty, y'all volition be impacted past disability." He went on to say, "Yes, even old historic period tin can be treated like a inability by many. It's all about people not being comfortable with changes."

My wife and I have friends who have dealt with all sorts of disabling conditions, that'south why we think nosotros take a "black sheep" flock. Your uncle Amos would fit right in with many of our friends. I like him; he keeps things interesting for your family.

Much respect,

Not bad article.

May your day be blessed.

Sincerely,

Tim

FlourishAnyway (author) from United states on August 20, 2018:

Tim - I concur with you lot regarding disabilities existence an unfortunate crusade of being labeled a black shape. Only every bit mental health bug tin emphasize how unlike ane is from the residual of the family, changes to i's vision or mobility, for case, tin alienate a person from the residual of the flock, sadly. Those white sheep should beware, withal. Disabilities can strike whatever one of us at any time! Believe me! All the best to you, FlourishAnyway

Tim Truzy from U.Southward.A. on Baronial xx, 2018:

I dear this, Louise. My married woman and I take pride in being black sheep, we figure we volition have our ain flock. Besides, black sheep in families can exist very independent and trail blazers, daring to exercise what their relatives would never attempt. (Simply we are non serious bs'southward, nosotros are loved.)

But I wanted to mention that the onset of physical disabilities can cause a person who was often included in family events to be considered a "blackness sheep," especially, if one of the two altitude senses (vision and sight) becomes impacted. These people can go shunned, isolated, and made to feel worthless without whatever fault of their ain.

I enjoyed reading this well written, informative, and thought provoking article.

Much respect,

Baa!-Baa!

Sincerely,

Tim

FlourishAnyway (author) from United states of america on November 23, 2017:

lala - But keep beingness you.

FlourishAnyway (writer) from USA on July 17, 2015:

Danny - Give thanks you!

Danny Cabaniss from Shawnee, Oklahoma on July 16, 2015:

Brilliant hub! I honey the perspective and the presentation!

Kristen Howe from Northeast Ohio on June 07, 2015:

Always welcome my friend. You too. Hope you have swell weather!

FlourishAnyway (author) from U.s.a. on June 07, 2015:

Kristen - Thanks and so much for the encouraging feedback. Accept a peachy week!

Kristen Howe from Northeast Ohio on June 05, 2015:

Flourish, this was an interesting and humorous hub well-nigh blackness sheep and famous ones in history and current events. Your photos had clever and funny captions likewise. Thank you for sharing this insightful hub. Voted up!

FlourishAnyway (author) from U.s. on December 19, 2014:

stevarino - I'm certain y'all're non the HP black sheep. Stats become upwardly and down. Continue at it. You're a talented writer and we sure demand you hither!

Steve Dowell from East Key Indiana on December 18, 2014:

If the statistics on my hubs is whatsoever indication, I'm the "Blackness Sheep" of Hubpages.com! Seriously, my Uncle and I were probably considered the "Blackness Sheep" of the family - but there is not much family unit left any more than and things tend to alter over time. I think "Black Sheep" is not such a bad label anyhow. They tend exist the risk takers and increased potential to make things happen.

FlourishAnyway (writer) from USA on December 12, 2014:

Perspycacious - If you lot give him five minutes, Amos can be very convincing. If y'all give him 10, you know you've never met anyone quite similar him, if you know what I mean.

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on December 12, 2014:

pstraubie48 - Thanks for stopping ba-aaaack by and for commenting and sharing. Have a great week.

Demas W Jasper from Today'due south America and The World Beyond on December 11, 2014:

I was set and would accept believed his story that he created, not a famous chili recipe, simply the universally enjoyed "Famous Amos Cookies"! The "royalties" for his Christian mission are well deserved, and then is your dearest for famous Uncle Amos. Not bad Hub.

Patricia Scott from North Central Florida on December 11, 2014:

Interesting, amusing, and informative!!! This has it all. And quick question..would I know if I am the BS on the family??? Hee hee..

Enjoyed reading this so much ....

Voted up upwardly and away and shared and g+

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on Dec 05, 2014:

Mary615 - Amos is not one to sit quietly, unnoticed. He is truly the life of the party. At a family wedding recently he had lost and then much weight that his pants savage downward at the reception, completely to his knees. He had the states roaring. Only Amos, the life of the party. Although another lady snagged him long ago (so he's non single) he'd be glad to have another voter supporting him in his 2016 White House bid. He'd probably even find room for you lot in his Cabinet. Printing Secretary, perchance? There are a few open positions nonetheless left, I retrieve.

Mary Hyatt from Florida on December 05, 2014:

I just honey your Uncle Amos! Is he single?? He would be so much fun to have around (I call up).

I have an Aunt who is our black sheep of the family. No one else in the family wants to have her included in dinners, etc. She's been in jail for drugs and for stealing. She isn't nice like your Uncle Amos. No 1 wants to be around this woman!

Great Hub! Voted UP, etc. and shared.

FlourishAnyway (author) from Us on December 05, 2014:

elle64 - At this time of year, the black sheep feel especially baaad. Very sad. Thanks for reading.

elle64 from Scandinavia on Dec 05, 2014:

Very practiced hub, sad we all have a black sheeep in the family,but also shame on us to let it happen!

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on November 24, 2014:

Laura225 - There are then many basics on my family tree I could make a fruitcake. Gotta dear the holidays!

Laura Smith from Pittsburgh, PA on November 24, 2014:

They make you crazy, don't they? But, they tin't aid the way they are. This is so relevant for me right now. Well washed.

FlourishAnyway (writer) from Us on November 13, 2014:

russinserra - Thank you so much! I capeesh the gushing praise!

Russ Inserra from Indianapolis, In on Nov 13, 2014:

Entertaining, uplifting, educational and very well written. I am not i to loosely gush, but this is a great article!

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on Nov 10, 2014:

Buildreps - Wouldn't that exist something if most of u.s. really exercise call up we don't belong?!? We are all really more than alike than nosotros are different.

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on Nov 10, 2014:

handymanbill - Be who y'all are and beloved every infinitesimal of it!

FlourishAnyway (author) from U.s.a. on November 10, 2014:

fpher48 - The eccentricities brand life interesting. No sense in folks hiding who the are. Just flaunt it and embrace the differences. Cheers for sharing and tweeting. Have a great calendar week!

Buildreps from Europe on Nov 10, 2014:

Excellent subject. I was always the black sheep of the family! I checked out your poll and saw that well-nigh 1000 others feel they're the black sheep too. Might it be that everyone thinks he/she's the black sheep?

Bill from Greensburg Pennsylvania on November 09, 2014:

Baaa, I am the black sheep of my family unit. I'll admit to it. I tin't control it, it just happens.

Suzie from Carson Urban center on Nov 09, 2014:

Not bad wisdom......wonderful writing and very special messages. I must confess my family is a huge RAINBOW of colors.....maybe a few slightly black sheep, just we dear them anyhow.! UP++++ shared & tweeted

FlourishAnyway (author) from U.s.a. on October 31, 2014:

nightcats - Eventually the Black Sheep learn to comprehend the coat they wear because they can't take it off and tin can't bleach it. Gotta work with what you've got and people volition either love yous for it or they won't. Flaunt your style.

June Campbell from North Vancouver on October thirty, 2014:

Not bad concept for a hub. Yeah, I was the Blackness Sheep of the family. Non the just one -- in that location were 2 in our extended family. At present that I recollect about it, I guess I still am the Blackness Sheep, merely I actually don't intendance any more than :-)

FlourishAnyway (author) from Us on October 27, 2014:

Efficient Admin - Everyone has a role in a family. At a family hymeneals out of state this weekend, he was awesome at getting our large grouping a table during peak breakfast hours at the hotel buffet. He just sat down at the table we wanted (never heed that there were other people there scoping information technology out beginning). A few words near running for President and some off-color jokes, and he was golden. Three people moved. By the fourth dimension we were through the buffet line, nosotros had a place to sit thanks to Uncle Amos. And, of course, we had amusement through breakfast that we're nevertheless talking about.

Michelle Dee from Charlotte, NC on October 27, 2014:

I enjoyed reading this hub and actually wouldn't heed having a relative similar Amos. He sounds very interesting (although the role about him believing the Republicans were chasing him may be a bit scary).

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on October 13, 2014:

ezzly - Those black sheep can certainly add some fun and entertainment to family gatherings. Gotta dearest 'em. Cheers for reading.

ezzly on October 12, 2014:

Very enlightening ...remember most families have a black sheep only you know as yous say they aren't baaaaad :)

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on Oct 01, 2014:

kislanyk - I'yard glad they embraced you regardless. Thank you for reading and commenting.

Marika from Cyprus on September 30, 2014:

In my youth I was the blackness sheep of the family, but they however loved me (but yeah, I did feel it at times, I estimate I was besides rebellious in nature).

FlourishAnyway (writer) from United states on September 13, 2014:

Rachael, That's very distressing that yous are not included in whatsoever way in your family. I'm and so sorry for that. We have multiple black sheep in our family merely they all belong to the flock. Amos provides risk and wonderful stories. You never know what to look when he is effectually. No 1 else in our family has dared to even consider runring for such high public office.

Rachael O'Halloran from United States on September 13, 2014:

All of my family members would probably tell you that I am the black sheep in our family just believe me when I tell you that all of them are black sheep and I am the but "white" sheep.

If that wasn't then pitiful, it would really be funny.

Y'all see, I was and am the simply police abiding citizen in a family unit whose family gatherings revolved around the gift of brag - to outshine each other with stories of how many years they spent in what prison for what offense.

And if it was for a crime that another family fellow member had likewise got sent up for, and so they competed for bragging rights on whomever was the virtually creative in either committing the criminal offence or eluding the regime long enough before getting arrested for the crime.

I was the starting time born child who was recognized every bit the smartest ane of the bunch, who was consulted for communication, asked to "fix" things that had gone awry, and asked for bail money for whomever got arrested that weekend.

By the time I graduated from loftier schoolhouse, I was expected to become a carte carrying member of the family business. So I married my fellow of 3 years instead.

From and then on, it became articulate that I wasn't going to change my ways. How dare I not join in the family business! Information technology got to be so that chatter at family unit events became whispered or hushed in my presence. Presently the phone calls stopped to invite me, or to notify me when someone died, got sick, was sent to prison, or got married, or had a baby. By the fourth dimension I was in my twenty's, on holidays, I was not adept plenty to sit at the same dinner table to eat food that came from ill-gotten gains. It is 47 years later and it is still ok with me.

I enjoyed your stories about Uncle Amos, he was quite the character. I guess every family has at least one, and for our family - we had nigh 100 of them.

FlourishAnyway (author) from Us on September 11, 2014:

bensen32 - Love Ole Uncle Amos does have that upshot on people. Thank you for reading!

Thomas Bensen from Wisconsin on September xi, 2014:

Great Commodity, mad me laugh quite a bit, thank yous

FlourishAnyway (writer) from U.s.a. on September 10, 2014:

elle64 - Aye, that should be what families are for. Thanks for reading and weighing in.

elle64 from Scandinavia on September 10, 2014:

There should be a identify for everybody in each family unit....

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on August 25, 2014:

SheGetsCreative - Glad you enjoyed this. He is a hoot!

Angela F from Seattle, WA on August 25, 2014:

Great hub! Honey your Uncle Amos stories :)

FlourishAnyway (writer) from USA on August 24, 2014:

techygran - Give thanks you so much! Have a great Sunday!

Cynthia Zirkwitz from Vancouver Island, Canada on August 23, 2014:

What a well-written article, then full of compassion and insight! Voted up and shared widely!

FlourishAnyway (author) from U.s.a. on August xv, 2014:

Nadine - Thanks for reading and commenting. I'thou glad you enjoyed the read!

Nadine May from Cape Town, Western Cape, Southward Africa on August 15, 2014:

What a fantastic hub. Learned a great deal. Voted upwardly!

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on August thirteen, 2014:

Relationshipc - I'one thousand glad you don't have any black sheep in your ain family. I agree that Randy Potts was indeed brave. Thanks for visiting and taking the time to comment!

Kari on August 13, 2014:

I can honestly say my family doesn't have any black sheep, it's only not large plenty, but I tin say that I just came from a trip across land and met some black sheep in my all-time friend's family. Lol. I would say that if anyone was going to be the black sheep, it would be me.

Randy Potts was a strong man to come out amongst that family. I looked him up and I dear his policy on how 'labels divide rather than unite'. He is a nifty example for other people who are scared to come up out.

FlourishAnyway (author) from United states of america on August xi, 2014:

Homeplace Series - Being quirky or unusual (i.e., talented) should exist an honour. Embrace your differences. Thanks for visiting!

William Leverne Smith from Hollister, MO on August 11, 2014:

I think I stand out as different in my family unit, but not necessarily in a bad or negative way... just march to the beat of a unlike drummer, to employ another of my many cliches... Thanks for a very interesting, and very popular, hub! ;-)

FlourishAnyway (author) from Usa on Baronial 01, 2014:

Marilyn - Thanks for reading. I'yard glad you help the blackness sheep.

Marilyn Gentry from Ontario, Canada on Baronial 01, 2014:

Bully hub. In our family unit my younger brother seem to exist the laziest but nosotros do loved him so much. He's merely lazy to study to do chores and so what nosotros can exercise is to give him communication and help him up.

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on July 30, 2014:

Bishop55 - It sure seems similar at that place are a lot of sheep out at that place. Thank you for reading and commenting. Have a smashing week!

Rebecca from USA on July 30, 2014:

I am the sheep. So I had to choose "other" for the poll. But this was a swell hub (as always! yours are gems). Practiced info here.

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on July 29, 2014:

VioletteRose - Cheers for reading and commenting. Blackness sheep are relatively rare only always wonderful.

VioletteRose from Atlanta on July 29, 2014:

Great hub! The coping tips you accept suggested wait actually helpful for those in demand. I actually didn't know about the "black sheep event", and I also didn't know that the black sheeps are rare compared to the white ones. Voted up and useful!

Rebecca Sutton from Rock Loma, SC on July 27, 2014:

Haha! Let me know if he needs a rep!

FlourishAnyway (writer) from USA on July 27, 2014:

Rebecca - But await til he hears he has a contingent in Due south Carolina.

Rebecca Sutton from Stone Colina, SC on July 27, 2014:

I will take to register to vote, merely or him!!

FlourishAnyway (writer) from USA on July 27, 2014:

RebeccaSutton - Thanks for reading and commenting. And hang on to your hat considering Amos is ready to denote his bid for the White House 2016.

Rebecca Sutton from Rock Loma, SC on July 27, 2014:

At present that was a great article! Lots of variety and I love the wordplay. Very creative and unique point of view. I remember there are a few black sheep in my family, including me. Everyone needs and Uncle Amos :)

FlourishAnyway (author) from United states on July nineteen, 2014:

Graham - Some folks in families are miles apart, only share genetics. Thank you for the kind compliments. Have a great weekend.

Graham Lee from Lancashire. England. on July 18, 2014:

Hi Flourish. Y'all left a prissy comment on my poem about the black sheep. I and so meet this admittedly top class hub. Y'all affect and then many bases in it! I specially liked the info on Al Capone'south brother, I cannot imagine what they thought of each other. First class hub.

voted up and all.

Graham.

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on July sixteen, 2014:

Monis Mas - You're right. Some folks seem to take more of those moments than others, the poor dears. I appreciate your reading. Have a great week.

Agnes on July sixteen, 2014:

Truly fantastic article. I call back we all experience like blackness sheep in our families from fourth dimension to time... When for some reason naught goes well, and we run across that other family members magically do so great. Information technology'a simply our perception though, and information technology shall pass.

FlourishAnyway (author) from U.s. on July 14, 2014:

Stephanie - There's (at least) one in every crowd. I appreciate your kind comments. Amos is certainly i-of-a-kind.

Stephanie Henkel from USA on July fourteen, 2014:

This is a fascinating article! Every family does seem to have a black sheep or a scapegoat. Often it's a sad situation, and family unit members will do anything to altitude themselves from an embarrassing family unit member. I found your analysis of black sheep then interesting. Your Uncle sounds like quite a grapheme, and he was lucky to accept a family who tolerated his eccentricities. Thanks for a neat read!

FlourishAnyway (writer) from USA on July 13, 2014:

Peggy W - Thanks a bunch! Promise your weekend was a good one.

Peggy Woods from Houston, Texas on July xiii, 2014:

I enjoyed reading this only every bit much as I did the beginning time and thought information technology is worthy of a share so that others may enjoy information technology also. Will too tweet.

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on June xviii, 2014:

Molly Madley - Makes you wonder about the rest of the family, I'1000 sure.

Molly Madley from San Francisco,Ca on June 17, 2014:

Very insightful. At present I'g thinking about my family dynamics. Haha.

FlourishAnyway (author) from U.s.a. on June 15, 2014:

Prairieprincess - It must be difficult to be the kid of the President. There's not much of a fashion you can match or surpass the success of your father so I can see them rebelling in order to make their mark. Thank you for reading and commenting.

Sharilee Swaity from Canada on June 14, 2014:

This was a very interesting article! I did not realize where the term came from. You actually fleshed out this concept well, with many fascinating anecdotes. Information technology seems like at that place have been quite a few presidential children who rebel against their male parent's position and make a proper name as the black sheep. Thanks for taking the time to do such careful and interesting research and writing!

FlourishAnyway (author) from U.s.a. on June 12, 2014:

PegCole17 - Oh my, so sad to hear about your family's black sheep. Some of them accept pilus that is so dark you wonder if the black goes straight to their soul. Anoint y'all, sweet lady.

Peg Cole from North Dallas, Texas on June 12, 2014:

Flourish, this was entertaining, funny, touching and well written. You've evoked some deep thoughts with this i.

My Dad was disowned past his mother who wrote him out of her volition and wouldn't let him to attend her funeral - but she was truly the black sheep every bit a well-known child abuser. She's passed away now and I've written a nighttime story virtually her that I've yet to publish. Perhaps someday.

At this point, the black sheep would be my cousin who spent her mother'due south life savings before putting her in a nursing home, and then disappearing the nighttime she passed abroad. The mean solar day of the funeral was the side by side fourth dimension we saw her when she showed up tardily. I could become on just it would turn into a hub.

Voted this ane all the style upwardly. Your Uncle Amos was quite a likeable if quirky character.

FlourishAnyway (writer) from USA on June 10, 2014:

Mira - Yous count, too. I hope you accept constitute that identify in your life where you can celebrate you.

Mira on June 10, 2014:

This is so astonishing! I was also the blackness sheep in the family.. All of my siblings are very intelligent. Im not dumb but im just not the same level every bit them in terms of intelligence. They were all excelling in their studies and were unremarkably loved by the oversupply. And they ever fabricated me feel i was different. My sisters would always tell me how im not as pretty and smart as them. And because of that i grew up tyring to find a foundation/group if friends so i tin can experience i belonged somewhere...

FlourishAnyway (author) from Us on June 09, 2014:

grand old lady - Ole Uncle Amos is a living fable. Y'all can't make some stuff upwards.

Mona Sabalones Gonzalez from Philippines on June 09, 2014:

I love your Uncle Amos and, for all his eccentricity, to quote your proper name, he Flourished Anyway. This is a very kind, loving and empathetic hub. More than, more, I say.

FlourishAnyway (author) from U.s. on June 01, 2014:

Peggy W - He does add lots of colour. I'chiliad hoping your family's departed black sheep take constitute dark-green pastures in the not bad baa-baaa-across. Cheers for reading.

Peggy Woods from Houston, Texas on June 01, 2014:

What an interesting fellow your Uncle Amos is! Imagine what he could have done had he gotten 92% of the vote instead of just two%! Ha! I had to laugh at some of his antics. He certainly adds a lot of colour to your family! Nearly of my nigh interesting family characters are now doing any they can in the next life. :)

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on May xiii, 2014:

Larry - They certainly add color, don't they?

Larry Rankin from Oklahoma on May 13, 2014:

Another bang-up article. The term black sheep is so interesting because it is relative to the given family'due south normal practices. For every great humanitarian, information technology is so nice to have a Billy Carter urinating on a rails. People that are different give life its beauty, in my stance.

FlourishAnyway (author) from U.s. on May 09, 2014:

Savvy - It looks similar the black sheep have found finer pastures with one another. Thanks for reading.

Yves on May 09, 2014:

What a well written piece! I enjoyed it from first to stop. I take to say that Amos is quite the character...I like how he went and got a cup of coffee in his hospital gown. It makes for a hilarious visual. I was likewise interested to know almost the daughters of famous men. Hmmm. Who woulda thunk?

Well, in my family, I'one thousand the black sheep, merely it would seem, from your voting poll, that I am in good company. I beloved information technology!

Up, awesome, interesting.

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on May 07, 2014:

Shyron - We're all a bit different, just some of u.s. -- similar Amos -- are truly one of a kind! Thanks for reading, commenting, and sharing!

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Source: https://wehavekids.com/family-relationships/How-To-Tell-If-You-Are-the-Black-Sheep-of-The-Family

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